Online chat and strangers in games: a calm guide for parents

Voice, text, parties and pings: where the talking happens

'Chat' in games isn't one thing. A child might be talking in several places at once, and each is controlled separately:

• In-game voice and text: talking to teammates or everyone in a match, controlled inside the game.
• Console party chat: a private voice group run by Xbox, PlayStation or Nintendo, which works across games. Epic notes that turning voice off in Fortnite doesn't stop console party chat.
• Friend requests and messages: adding someone usually unlocks private messages and invitations.
• Preset phrases: some games offer ready-made messages ('Good game!', 'Follow me') that stay available even when free chat is off. These are a useful middle ground for younger children.

So 'I turned off chat' is only true if it was switched off at every layer your child uses. That is why our controls guides cover both the device and the game.

Cross-play: when an Xbox lobby includes PC and Switch players

Many popular games now let players on different devices play together, known as cross-play. Fortnite, Rocket League and Minecraft are well-known examples. It is brilliant for keeping cousins on different consoles together, but it also means your child's lobby can include players from services whose settings you don't control.

Xbox has a dedicated Cross-network play setting, which lets you allow or block play with people on other services and set the level of communication with them. Epic's chat permissions follow your child's Epic account on every device, which is helpful, but they don't switch off the console's own party chat. Our Xbox controls guide and Fortnite and Epic controls guide walk through both.

User-made worlds, and why the age rating can't vouch for them

In Roblox, Fortnite's creative islands and Minecraft servers, much of what children play has been built by other players. PEGI's own online safety guidance says user-generated content can sometimes be unsuitable for young people and a mismatch with the game's age rating, and that players may meet offensive language or bullying. In 2022 PEGI replaced Roblox's PEGI 7 with a Parental Guidance label, describing it as a platform with diverse content rather than one game.

Roblox has its own systems on top. Since January 2026 all Roblox users must pass an age check to use chat, and children under 9 are placed in Roblox Kids with chat off by default. Roblox also points out that its settings don't cover chat features a game creator builds into their own game. Fortnite's controls let you decide whether your child can use Creative mode and join friends' creations.

Our Roblox guide and age ratings explainer cover Roblox's maturity labels in more detail.

Setting 'friends only' on each console and game

For most children, the safest useful setting is chat with approved friends only, rather than no chat at all. Here is where to find it:

• Xbox: in the Xbox Family Settings app, the Social tile sets who your child can communicate with; friend requests can go through 'Ask a parent'. Xbox steps
• PlayStation: setting Communication and User-Generated Content to Restrict blocks text and voice chat with other players. Your child can ask for an exception for a particular game, which you approve or decline. PlayStation steps
• Nintendo Switch: Restricted Features covers communication with others. On Switch 2, under-16s can only use GameChat once the Parental Controls app is linked, and you approve each friend they can chat with. Nintendo Switch steps
• Fortnite and Epic: Voice and Text Chat Permission can be set to Friends Only or Nobody, and Require a PIN to Add Friends means new friends need you. Epic steps
• Roblox: under Communication, Friends chat can be set to All friends, Trusted friends or No one; under-13s need your permission to add a trusted friend. Roblox steps
• Steam: Steam feature access in Steam Families restricts community and chat features. Steam steps
• iPhone and iPad: Game Center restrictions cover Private Messaging and Connect with Friends, but Apple's controls don't cover chat inside third-party games. iPhone steps
• Android: Family Link can approve or block apps, including chat apps, but doesn't control chat inside games. Android steps

Matching chat settings to your child's age

There is no official age at which open chat becomes fine, and children differ a lot. As an editorial starting point based on how the platforms themselves set their defaults, many families find this progression works:

Under 9

Chat off, or preset phrases only. Roblox already places under-9s in Roblox Kids with chat off by default, and Epic caps voice and text chat for under-10s at Friends Only. Play in shared rooms where you can hear what is going on. See under-7s and 7 to 9s.

9 to 12

Friends-only chat, where 'friends' means people your child knows offline, such as classmates and cousins. Keep friend requests going through you: Epic's PIN to add friends, Xbox's 'Ask a parent' and Roblox's trusted-friend approval for under-13s are all designed for this. See 10 to 12s.

13 to 15

Teenagers will want more independence, and several platforms hand over some controls around 13. This is the time to shift from blocking to coaching: agree that new online-only contacts get mentioned, keep voice chat in shared spaces where possible, and revisit settings together rather than silently. See 13 to 15s.

'Add me on Discord': the move off-platform

One of the clearest warning signs is someone met in a game asking to continue the conversation somewhere else: a different chat app, a social network, or a private server. Moving away from the game takes the conversation out of reach of that game's filters, reports and parental settings.

Discord deserves a specific mention because it is so tied to gaming. Its help pages say you must be at least 13 to use it. In the UK, Discord says teen accounts get extra protections by default under the Online Safety Act, including automatic blurring or blocking of flagged images (images from strangers in direct messages are blocked) and limits on who can reach them, and that adults must confirm their age to change those settings.

Those defaults help, but they don't replace a family rule. A simple one works well: we only move a chat to another app with people we know in real life, and we tell a grown-up first.

Red flags to teach, and to notice yourself

Most people your child meets online are other children who just want to win. Teaching warning signs is not about making them fearful; it is about giving them words for 'this feels off'. Behaviour worth questioning includes someone who:

• offers free currency, skins or items, especially 'just for you';
• asks to keep the friendship or the chat secret;
• wants to move to another app, a private call or a video chat;
• asks for photos, personal details, school name or location;
• asks how old they are, then seems a lot older, or flatters them heavily;
• gets angry, pushy or threatening when told no.

Teach the response as well as the warning signs: don't reply, don't accept the gift, block, and tell a trusted adult. Practising it out loud once, like a fire drill, makes it far easier to do in the moment.

On your side, notice changes rather than single moments: a child who suddenly hides the screen, becomes secretive about a new 'friend', or seems upset after playing. None of these prove anything, but each is a reason for a gentle conversation.

If something has gone wrong: block, report, CEOP and 999

1. Stay calm and listen. Thank your child for telling you. Reassure them it isn't their fault.
2. Block and report inside the game or platform. Every major console and game has these tools. Note the username, the game and the time.
3. Keep a record, carefully. Keep usernames and the text of messages. Do not screenshot, save or forward any sexual image of a child, even as evidence; describe it in your report instead.
4. Report sexual contact or grooming to CEOP. CEOP, part of the National Crime Agency, takes reports from children and adults worried about the way someone has been communicating with a child online.
5. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.

Support is available too. Children and young people can talk to Childline free on 0800 1111. Adults worried about a child can call the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000. If a nude or sexual image of a young person under 18 has been shared, Childline and the Internet Watch Foundation run Report Remove, which helps them try to get it taken down.

The Online Safety Act: what platforms now owe your child

The Online Safety Act applies to services that let users post content or interact with each other, which includes many games with chat or user creations. Ofcom is the regulator and can fine companies up to £18 million or 10% of their qualifying worldwide revenue, whichever is greater.

Its duties on illegal content have been enforced since March 2025. Services likely to be used by children then had to complete children's risk assessments by July 2025, and the child-safety rules followed from that summer. These require services to protect children from the most harmful content and to give age-appropriate access to other risky content, with reporting tools and consistent age checks. You can see the effect in changes such as Roblox's age checks for chat and Discord's UK teen defaults.

More is planned. In its July 2026 response to the 'Growing up in the online world' consultation, the government said it intends to stop under-16s using harmful functions on online services including gaming services, such as livestreaming and contact from strangers, with on-by-default restrictions for 16 and 17-year-olds. It said it intends to lay the first regulations by the end of 2026, to come into force in early 2027. Rules can change quickly, so check GOV.UK for the current position.